The Valley of the Shadow

It happens with chilling regularity. We get on fire in a spiritual way about something and it's like putting a big giant target on top of our head for trouble. I've seen it play out in church over and over and it happens in life as well. Seems as though ever since I began this blog as an addition to the arsenal against negativity that I've been just swamped with wave after wave of despair and disappointment. I was already feeling more than a bit despondent about the unemployment issue. I swear, not being hired after what seem to be most excellent interviews feels just as bad as not being picked for the kickball team when you're 10. Seriously. I'm a grownup and I haven't grown emotionally enough to not take professional rejection so personally? And after all that time and money spent on counseling? Really? What the heck?

Yes, I tell myself that it's because God has something better for me. And yes, I understand that it's a tough and really tight job market but it's gotten to the point that when I do get hired I can see myself gushing like Sally Field at the Oscars... "You LIKE me... you really like me!" Gah!

And it makes me angry to be under fire like that and to see it happen in church and in other people's lives. Yes, chronically happy people can and do get angry. And sad. It would be way too weird if they didn't. But my anger comes because I believe deep in my heart that evil is behind it. I know it's unsophisticated and irrational in today's enlightened cultural psyche to believe in a force of evil but too darn bad. I do. If God's original plan is for us to be happy then I believe that Satan's counter plan is for us to be miserable. And I think sometimes he is winning the battles even if I know he will never win the war. (Did you ever wonder why no one argues for gender neutral language when it comes to the devil? Anyhoo...)

So my point here, I guess, is first to say that even if (or perhaps especially if) you vow to fight the negative culture and make a decision to be a happy person, you should not be surprised to find yourself up against a counter force that would rather you give up and give in to doubt, despair and despondency. And second, that I will not. I'll channel my inner Churchill and "never, never, never give up!" Because no matter what happens in the day to day battles - in the end... God wins. My Redeemer lives. I may get bloodied in the battle but as long as I can hang on to that one micro-thin but unbreakable thread of Truth then I will be there to claim victory when the war is finished. So there.

Now that I've taken that stand if you hear that a piano has fallen on my head you will understand why. But you'll know that I'm still on the winning side. Amen.