Re-start

Well, here it is, a little more than two years since I last posted here. Not that I have ignored you on purpose, little blog, but life just got too busy and complicated. But you've always been in my heart and now I'm back. Back to consider and comment on things both holy and bizarre. Because life (mine at least) is compromised of such. And it's much more enjoyable and interesting to do so. For example, here is a post by someone named Kurt who is right on the money as long as by when he says "me" or "Kurt" he is actually talking about me, Ms. Pollyanna....

RIP Michael

I can't say exactly why I've not had much to say here for so many months. I have my suspicions but that's a thought for another day. Today I'm just compelled to comment after having looked at this video after the death of Michael Jackson and be struck wondering about the demons that must have moved in and taken over at some point. It's clear that they destroyed him and who knows how many with him. This performance was inspirational almost to the point of a revival experience with the Gospel choir and the exhortation to look inward and begin the change that can make a difference in the world. I'm going to have to go search for the complete lyrics now to think about this a little more but just making a comparison to this performance vise the increasing anger (not to mention just bat spit craziness) in his work and life is startling and starkly disturbing to me. Most of us don't have to contend with demons on this level to get us off track, I wonder what could have happened had they been conquered.

The Women with Jesus

So I agreed to be in a production of "The Other Twelve Disciples" at church this year. I have successfully avoided being cast in this production previously but this year I decided, what the heck and signed up. I got to play "Lazy Mary" as I referred to my part, Mary of Bethany. She's the one who would much rather sit at Jesus' feet listening to his stories and teachings much to the annoyance of her busy sister Martha. Not too much of a stretch actually...

Anyhoo... as we were rehearsing our various parts I came to realize that my part and another one and possibly even one more were the same woman! Directly after I finished speaking about myself, Martha, Lazarus, Jesus raising Lazarus and annointing Jesus, bathing his feet with my tears and wiping them with my hair, the next character, the woman with the alabaster jar, spoke of the very same incident with the annointing and the tears and the hair.... We have had this play at our church for many years and the script no longer has an author attached if it ever did so I don't know who wrote it originally. But apparently it was enough of a stretch for them to find 12 women associated with Jesus that he or she had to attribute stories of one woman to two. If you add Mary Magdalene to the mix, whom some folks believe is the same Mary of Bethany then there are three. So, I just rewrote my part to expand the first two sections and I left off the last one all together and let the alabaster jar woman take the whole annointing, washing, wiping scene for herself. Everyone seemed to enjoy the whole thing and it was kind of fun. Don't know if I'll ever volunteer to do it again but at least I can say I had the experience. And I'm always glad to bring some attention to the women who served Jesus and ministered with him. I'm going to be interested to find out just how much we didn't know about them when I get the chance to meet them in person.

A Reminder

As often happens when doing pastoral care, I found myself looking square in the face of my mortality this afternoon. We tend to live "in the moment" most of the time and get so caught up in our day to day struggles but sometimes things happen to make us stop short and get a new perspective, realigning our priorities. I'm telling you people, life is so short and things can go south in the blink of an eye. So I'm just trying to remind you (and myself) not to get caught up in the things that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy your life, treat others kindly, overlook the petty small things and be grateful for whatever the good things are in your life. It's apt to be gone before you know it.

Virtual Support Group

Okay, since you all know that I'm still struggling with the job search and trying to maintain some shred of self-esteem I have decided to create here at LPIAEW a virtual support group for unemployed and underemployed job seekers. All are welcome to post pertinent information and encouraging words in the comments and I will post some of the better tips and resources I find in my ongoing search. Today's tip is advice on how to make real connections at networking events. It's not enough to just show up and talk to folks you already know - you're there to expand your contacts so here's some advice that may help. I welcome your input and the sharing of experiences.

Secret Weapon

The news is gloomier and gloomier every day it seems. Unemployment is getting higher, jobs are getting scarcer and well, the times... they are hard. I spoke in my last post about just how difficult it is to deal with the rejection involved in a prolonged job search. It gets to the point where you just stop wanting to talk about the jobs you've applied for. On the one hand, I don't want anyone thinking that I'm not trying but on the other hand it's just so disheartening to get excited about a prospect and talk about it and then have to tell folks again that you didn't get it. You begin to imagine that everyone is starting to see a great big loser "L" smack in the middle of your forehead when they look at you. So I just keep applying, sending out several resumes almost every day along with appropriately enthusiastic cover letters and then I hang on to my secret weapon for dear life. The thing that keeps me from lying down in the road and letting cars run over me. And that thing is faith. Faith that God is there with me, that he loves me and has plans to give me hope and a future just as he did for Jeremiah. Some days I'm only able to hang on to the tiniest thread of faith but you know what? That's enough. God, who created the universe and created me holds tight to the other end. I wish I could say that I'm serenely anticipating a superfantastic outcome at any moment but I just can't. I'm almost eaten up with anxiety a good deal of the time which is definitely not a Pollyanna attribute. But that tiny thread is the thing that keeps me from being totally overwhelmed by it. God never promised that life would be easy, that we wouldn't have difficulty in life. But he did promise to be there with me and for me. And that is the secret that makes all the difference. Thanks be to God.

The Valley of the Shadow

It happens with chilling regularity. We get on fire in a spiritual way about something and it's like putting a big giant target on top of our head for trouble. I've seen it play out in church over and over and it happens in life as well. Seems as though ever since I began this blog as an addition to the arsenal against negativity that I've been just swamped with wave after wave of despair and disappointment. I was already feeling more than a bit despondent about the unemployment issue. I swear, not being hired after what seem to be most excellent interviews feels just as bad as not being picked for the kickball team when you're 10. Seriously. I'm a grownup and I haven't grown emotionally enough to not take professional rejection so personally? And after all that time and money spent on counseling? Really? What the heck?

Yes, I tell myself that it's because God has something better for me. And yes, I understand that it's a tough and really tight job market but it's gotten to the point that when I do get hired I can see myself gushing like Sally Field at the Oscars... "You LIKE me... you really like me!" Gah!

And it makes me angry to be under fire like that and to see it happen in church and in other people's lives. Yes, chronically happy people can and do get angry. And sad. It would be way too weird if they didn't. But my anger comes because I believe deep in my heart that evil is behind it. I know it's unsophisticated and irrational in today's enlightened cultural psyche to believe in a force of evil but too darn bad. I do. If God's original plan is for us to be happy then I believe that Satan's counter plan is for us to be miserable. And I think sometimes he is winning the battles even if I know he will never win the war. (Did you ever wonder why no one argues for gender neutral language when it comes to the devil? Anyhoo...)

So my point here, I guess, is first to say that even if (or perhaps especially if) you vow to fight the negative culture and make a decision to be a happy person, you should not be surprised to find yourself up against a counter force that would rather you give up and give in to doubt, despair and despondency. And second, that I will not. I'll channel my inner Churchill and "never, never, never give up!" Because no matter what happens in the day to day battles - in the end... God wins. My Redeemer lives. I may get bloodied in the battle but as long as I can hang on to that one micro-thin but unbreakable thread of Truth then I will be there to claim victory when the war is finished. So there.

Now that I've taken that stand if you hear that a piano has fallen on my head you will understand why. But you'll know that I'm still on the winning side. Amen.